As an eldest child, I have never really had to follow anyone on my journey through life. My parents in some sense ran away as young adults to live in a big city, so that the expectation of other parts of a wider family was lessened. The schools I attended knew nothing of other family members, and so the philosophy for an eldest child was to just do the best you could.

I would like to say that there are disadvantages to being the eldest child. Often they surround rules. There are a number of things that I can remember being quite definitely not being allowed to do, all of which were changed or reduced in impact by the time my younger siblings were expected to live within them. These rules included the age at which you were allowed to have your ears pierced; wearing fashionable/slip on shoes to school; having school dinners. I of course had no older sibling to borrow ID from and always had to trust that I looked older than my years as we headed out to school discos held in licensed premises.

However the biggest advantage is not living in anyone’s shadow. As an eldest child you can be entirely who you want to be, with no-one tarnishing with the mistakes or achievements of another. I don’t think my siblings were particularly bothered as they too were encouraged by our parents to be the best they could be, although they would occasionally moan that someone had asked if they were related to me. But I wasn’t particularly cool, just ordinary, sensible, and moderately intelligent. I played cello, cycled to school, sang in a band, was on the 5th/6th year council (no prefects at our school), and (promise you won’t tell anybody and ruin my liberal street cred) was leader of the Christian Union. That final part I think was the most embarrassing thing for them.

This past fortnight has taken me into the shadow of a variety of people and places.

Living away from the area where my parents grew up has meant that our family were people we visited, but they didn’t seem to cast shadows across our lives. This past fortnight has moved me into the shadow of one side of the family as we paid our respects at a funeral. There was very little difference in age between us, and for the first time ever I found myself in the shadow of that reputation. Perhaps the loveliest thing from stepping into that shadow was sitting in the presence of that person in the days before they died and discovering how much others valued the part they had played in their lives.

By Friday night I found myself in the shadow of my reputation. It feel very humbled by the regard with which others hold me, and the trust that has been placed in me. There is a small part of me quaking as all I know I can be is me.

This week as I begin the steep climb in getting to know enough about a congregation, it’s history and the history of a building to be able to function at a basic level as a minister, it’s another shadow to settle under. Reading through Kirk Session minutes was eye opening, while absorbing historical facts will become an on-going process. I think I’ll be organising a private tour when no-one else is about so that I can ask my daft lassie questions.

The list of differing shadows stretches beyond these, for the building I will worship within, and even the positioning of a manse, cast the shadows of history, tradition and intellect.

Walking back from school this afternoon with a small person, my eyes raised up to view the dark clouds casting their shadow on an ancient building, and in that moment I was reminded of Psalm17, and perhaps even that modern schmaltzy chorus, “Living under the shadow of his wing”. Whatever the future may hold, there lies the assurance for faith. For it is God who casts the shadows across our lives, and encourages us to shape our living to the path of Christ.