Yesterday I spent much of the day clearing out my wardrobe. Two loads of clothes and shoes have made their way to the recycle bin, and the wardrobe that is to be taken to pieces is now tidy and and extremely clean. Having finished that I moved to the linen cupboard, and today I’ve worked my way through the jewellery.

At times I’ve been transported to other times and places as I’ve remembered the significance of particular items. I’ve been tough on myself and unless it will be worn again or used again, it’s either been recycled or thrown out. So my favourite bed linen given to us when we got married has gone in the bin as it was ripped and worn through.

Perhaps the one exception is my wedding dress and shoes. Can’t imagine I’ll wear them again, but they remain safely packaged in their boxes.

In the midst of the clearing and packing was also an opportunity to draw breath from the leaving of one congregation and preparing myself for all that lies ahead. It has been very difficult to get excited about the future, as you try not to hurt people you love, many of whom have trusted you with their inner most thoughts.

Sunday for all it was hard saying goodbye, was a great day as the congregation turned out to say farewell to their manse family. I’m not sure there was a moment when I wasn’t on the verge of tears. It started with the discovery that there was a surprise lunch, that I only knew about when I was asked to mention it in the church notices. I managed the first two hymns fine, but the words of Isaiah in “I the Lord of sea and sky” set me off. I pulled myself together during the readings, and the sermon was fine as long as I didn’t talk about the congregation, or the part they had played in the kind of minister I had become. “Be Thou my Vision” set me off again, and while I managed most of the prayers of the people, there were end words about differing futures that asked for deep breaths. As all hymns were the result of a congregational poll, we finished with an Easter hymn “Thine be the glory”, so with a lifted spirit I went to pronounce the benediction only to find the sense of finality.

I don’t normally sit down after the Benediction, but on this occasion I needed the 30 seconds to draw breath. The congregation don’t normally stand for the minister leaving, only the elements at communion. So as I went to walk up the aisle to leave, I was overwhelmed as the congregation rose. By the top of the aisle the tears wouldn’t stop, so thank God for the former session clerk who met me with open arms and a large tissue.

Lunch was a happy busy affair, where the husband and the children also discovered that they were loved and would be missed. Kindness was shown in so many ways, and the people we leave behind have left us with so many special memories, not least that they made us all feel like part of a family.

While there has to be a very clear end to allow someone new to be their minister, I hope occasionally we will know how life continues for them.

So what lies ahead? Perhaps unfortunately a family funeral has thrown itself into the midst of more packing, a move before the weekend, settling in, sorting, and then finally a clean for the old manse and handing the keys back before an induction. Then it’s a steep learning curve as I learn names, history traditions and expectations. I’m practising my best smiles ( at least when I’m not weeping).

And I am a little excited, and looking forward to the world beyond my wardrobe.