I’d always planned that this would be a desk week. I had a list of 16 things I needed to do at my desk this week, and I was going to tackle them so I could head off on holiday next week with a clear conscience.

To date I’ve managed to achieve 9 of the 16. But as I cross things off the list, other things seem to get added. By this end of this afternoon I hope to have at the very least finished Sundays prayers and started on a sermon.

However I feel guilty. I can think of a good number of people who would appreciate a visit, and yet I feel like I’m wasting time at my desk and not achieving anything. Of course the week hasn’t just been desk sitting. I did make it to Presbytery on Tuesday and on Monday afternoon a class of school children had a tour of the church. Tonight I will see a couple considering marriage, and tomorrow morning the organist appears to plan hymns for the next two months (I’ve not prepared for that yet).

And while I feel guilty I also know I’m tired, and not really giving my best. It’s a long haul from October to February without a break. In past years I’ve managed to fit in a few days off in the first few days of December, just to ease into the almost daily activity of a Christian community expectantly awaiting the birth of Christ. This year I never found those few days. And while there were one or two quieter days in the gap between Christmas and New Year, there was no holiday.

So I wear the guilt of my own expectations and the tiredness of my keeping on.

The holiday will start on Sunday after the after worship coffee. Monday will be a long lie, followed by some packing and a trip to the cattery so the tigers can have their holidays. There’s a trip on a train planned, a show to be seen, and some sights to take in.

While I feel guilty, I also know that those I’ve not visited will still appreciate a visit in a fortnight’s time for they are unaware of my time scales.